My oldest was off to Middle School and my youngest kids were still in Elementary School, but my life hadn’t changed much. My routine was the same as it was the year before minus potential hospital stays. I was still recovering from my BRCA+ journey of multiple surgeries, but the life I had been living was about the same with maybe a little less chaos since the kids were all in school fulltime (Finally! Can I get an Amen?). However, this darkness started to consume me when I wasn’t prepared. I didn’t plan on having to pick a side, but the dark was drowning out the light. I felt lost and didn’t know how to cope. Until an unexpected opportunity came into my life.
When my kids were younger, I barely went to the pool because I was a) ashamed of my body (for heaven’s sake I birthed 3 children in the span of five years, that should be celebrated, not shamed by society standards…but that is a different post for a different day) and b) I was outnumbered 3 to 1.
You better believe that I was only going to the pool if another friend was braving it with me or I dragged my husband along.
But that is where looking back, I was so wrong. I should have gone to the damn pool.
Today, I will celebrate the brave mommas everywhere that are doing the hard job. Suiting up and going swimming with their kids.
As she turned away I thought, things will never be like this, again.
I know that growing up is inevitable and I know that there are wonderful opportunities in front of her. Logically, I totally understand that.
But my heart. My heart is not ready to let THIS go.