So, that's what I am doing now. I am finding out who I am. Not who I thought I was going to be by now. Not who society tells me I should be. I have always told you that I am a firm believer that nothing happens by accident. I don't think this period of rediscovery is here by mistake. I think it's following months and even years of just trying to get by, to survive, and I've lived enough life to know that doesn't work.
My oldest was off to Middle School and my youngest kids were still in Elementary School, but my life hadn't changed much. My routine was the same as it was the year before minus potential hospital stays. I was still recovering from my BRCA+ journey of multiple surgeries, but the life I had been living was about the same with maybe a little less chaos since the kids were all in school fulltime (Finally! Can I get an Amen?). However, this darkness started to consume me when I wasn't prepared. I didn't plan on having to pick a side, but the dark was drowning out the light. I felt lost and didn't know how to cope. Until an unexpected opportunity came into my life.
As this years summer winds down, I am in awe at how little we have accomplished this year. We went into the summer with grandiose plans and everyone made a list. Similar to our bucket lists of past summers.
However, we never really focused on checking anything off!
But you want to know what they really gained this summer? It was something I didn't plan on, but I am so glad I noticed it in action. My Kids Gained Valuable, Real-Life Social Skills.
My kids go back to school tomorrow. The beginning of the year, always hits me with a ton of emotions. For one, I miss the excitement I used to feel setting up my classroom, collaborating with my team of teachers, and meeting my students for the first time. And as a parent, another school year means they are one year closer to not needing me anymore. This year, I will have a 4th grader, 3rd grader, and a preschooler.
Early on, we made a conscious decision to change some words in our house. We always make sure to say our kids have "strong legs" that help them cartwheel, run, and kick. And we are especially careful about saying the "F" word- fat. That is a banned word in our house. I used to say it a lot, but as soon as we heard the kids say it, we realized that the word fat needed to be exiled from our home. It's not that I don't want them to know the word, but rather I don't want them to associate themselves with the word.