As she turned away I thought, things will never be like this, again. I know that growing up is inevitable and I know that there are wonderful opportunities in front of her. Logically, I totally understand that. But my heart. My heart is not ready to let THIS go.
Have you ever had the problem of having too many options? Having endless opportunities? Having the ability to go in any direction and accomplish any goal? I am talking about both big and small goals. It's a real problem for me. I know that sounds like I am whining, but it's really a big deal. And yes, I realize this is a total first world problem, but hear me out because you might see yourself in me. When I was a kid, I knew exactly what I wanted to be when I grew up. I had two, very specific dreams.
Our family had a busy Sunday. Our oldest daughter had a rock concert through her local School of Rock. They had an awesome show and she had her best show yet! We were on our way home when our son started complaining of a headache and a sore throat. I had a mean mom moment and told him he couldn't have a sick day since I had to go into work the next day.
I never expected anyone to pay attention to my little blog (again, it's therapy- but thank you for reading and following it) and I really didn't expect the amount of community support that came with it. People checked in on me, made our little family dinner, dropped off milk, offered my kids fun days, and sent me messages via Facebook, texts, and phone calls. I even got a handful of beautiful cards from friends and family; near and far. Friends and neighbors dropped off surprise flowers, homemade cookies and breads, mochas, and even prosecco. I loved the sweet intentions that went with each one, but more importantly I appreciated the time that people took to even think of us during their busy days, let alone to drop something off. From the bottom of my heart (and the four others in my home), thank you. Even though it doesn't seem like enough.
During an extremely challenging week our household was a hot mess. Everyone was busy, emotional, and needed extra attention. Plus we had our regular "life" duties and all of the above activities. Everybody needed a break, but we kept trucking on. During a hectic afternoon, I was getting an after school snack ready for my three kiddos and answering an email on my phone. Since busy for me looks a lot like me being on my computer or phone, my kids associate my phone with me being too busy for them. Which of course is not the case, but having access immediately to emails and job related activities in a very virtual world, means that I can be efficient and multi-task. But my oldest set me straight on this crazy day.
I went to bed sad about near end of the preschool stage of my parenting years. Only to get a surprise the next day...her school doesn't start until next week. OH...MY...GOSH! I was only thinking two things at this moment; one- I did all that worrying and feeling sad for no reason and two-it was my first #mommyfail of the new school year.
In this ugly moment, I can either persecute myself or I can practice self-grace. Today, I choose to practice giving myself grace.