Last night was a rough night. I was getting super sad about the last “first day of preschool” in our household. I realize it’s silly, but my youngest is 4 and it’s just hitting me really hard. I mean, of course the “firsts” are important, but so are the “lasts”. And this last is a stinger.
You see, I always thought she’d end up a middle child with a younger brother (according to my son) or sister. Due to my BRCA+ findings, my age, and other family needs she is the last kiddo in our crew. It was a bitter pill to swallow- knowing she was the last. But, here we are and I am 90% okay with it. I actually don’t know when or if I will ever be 100% ok with it, but I am working on that!!
To get to my point, I went to bed sad about near end of the preschool stage of my parenting years. Only to get a surprise the next day…her school doesn’t start until next week.
I was only thinking two things at this moment; one- I did all that worrying and feeling sad for no reason and two-it was my first #mommyfail of the new school year.
Don’t think that they don’t happen in my house, they do! However, this was a big one and it is totally connected to the mental and physical clutter of the new year. Plus, I started a new(ish) job this month. In addition to my other jobs-home and volunteer related, I am officially a preschool teacher. In my attempts to get everything on the calendar and all the schedules to be linked and synced, I must have mixed up her start date! Not only did I get worked up with all of those sad feelings, but she was soooooooooo excited to go to school. She couldn’t wait for her year to start. Especially since the bigs started last week.
I’ll rewind, the night before preschool was to start she went to bed with her outfit picked out, new boots to wear, and a bow for her hair!! She got her backpack ready and went to sleep thinking about her friends and beloved teachers! When we woke up, the whole family rejoiced in her first day of preschool. We ate breakfast and took the obligatory first day of school pictures with her dad, me, her siblings, and my mom.
My mom would be taking her to school since I was heading to my first day of preschool, too. We all piled in the cars, me with the bigs and my mom with my little. I was feeling sorry to be missing drop-off on her first day, but I asked my mom to take pictures and went on my way.
Not long after dropping off my bigs at their school, I get the call.
My mom calmly told me that the doors were locked and that nobody else was around. I, of course, could not check my calendar nor the park district’s website while driving, so I asked my mom to hang around a few minutes to wait and see if anyone shows up. She did, but of course nobody came. I had the date wrong. #mommyfail
Luckily, I couldn’t dwell on it too long since I had a classroom to prepare and little people were expecting me at my best, and being frazzled about screwing up my kids first day of school- is not my best. So, I let it go knowing that my mom and daughter would have a fun morning together while I was teaching my little preschoolers.
It turns out, that my morning was so packed with helping my students play, share, and cooperate with one another that I almost forgot about my mess up. And you know what, my daughter nearly forgot, too!! So, in the end my #mommyfail was really just a lesson in going with the flow and giving myself some grace. I could sit here and blame being busy, or careless, or having too much on my plate. But really, it was just a mistake- that thankfully won’t have lasting repercussions. Plus, now, I have a whole week to think about my last preschooler. Maybe, by her first real day of preschool, I won’t feel so sad about it!
My biggest challenge right now (other than putting the correct dates on my calendar) is saving time for myself and allowing myself to be in the moment and present. In the last week, I have found myself moving from activity to activity, responsibility to responsibility, without stopping to enjoy the craze of the first week at school for my bigs, a fun and rewarding new job, or adjusting to a new routine.
Luckily, it’s not too late!
I am making myself a vow to enjoy the rest of this week by being present and mindful of my time.
What challenges are you facing this week? If you had a #mommyfail or #daddyfail this week, how can you turn it around? What kind of POSITIVE INTENTIONS can you set for yourself? We are all learning here and growing, give yourself some GRACE and if you don’t need it share some with somebody else that does! Choose to LOVE your life-all the messy, beautiful, and wonderful bits of it.
~There are no happy accidents~